Alright now I know it seems like I’ve been ghosting you guys but that’s not the case. I’ve actually been dodging negative energy, taking long candlelit showers in the dark blasting my favorite apple music playlists, and embracing my natural curls. I feel amazing. The first month of quarantine was rough for me mentally and spiritually. The thought of not knowing what was going to happen and for how long really gave me anxiety. Eventually, I had to decide and make a conscious effort to get that fear up off me. You have to do some shit you’ve never done before to get something you’ve never had before. I’m using this month of May to challenge myself to take the steps to become a better me. I’m fasting some bad habits. Encouraging uncomfortable situations. Training my mind to be stronger than my flesh. Below I’ll go in depth to how I’m putting myself to the test.
MIND
My name was Nancy… Negative Nancy. Do you know I used to dead ass look in the mirror and find different things I didn’t like about myself. I recently found out just how much after I bought this interactive branding workbook “Brand Like A Bo$$” by celebrity stylist and female-entrepreneur Olori Swank. On the first page of the second module, she took my life. She had the audacity to ask me 5 questions about myself. At that very moment I failed and it wasn’t a test. The one question that really pierced my soul was, “What are your favorite things about yourself”. I had no answer. I didn’t know; and that’s what led me here to this cleanse challenge.
My hair is ugly. I’m overweight. I don’t think my stuff will be as popular. My eyes are too big. Where are my hips? My nose is too fat. I don’t have any clothes to wear. I hate that my gums show when I laugh. I can’t sell this, I look like I’m doing too much in this bralette because my breast are large. They won’t pay me. I have no signs of when my back ends and my ass starts. My hair is short. My boobs sag. Are my thighs touching?
– My Old Mentality (deceased May 2020)
Do you know how much effort it takes to hate. ALOT ! It’s time consuming, toxic, and self- sabotaging to every aspect of your well-being. I had to get back up for not only myself, my relationship, and my future being. I need other women to win. I want people to understand success starts with self. “You cannot be blessed with who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself too”, says Sarah Jake Roberts in her Women Evolve Podcast. Talk nice to yourself. Sometimes we tend to treat others better than we treat ourselves and that is not right. These three things were big game changers for my mental health: substituting my verbiage, changing my narrative, and controlling my environment.
- Substitute your verbiage
- So I did this thing. First, I wrote down a list of affirmations. Solid statements served in the first person {i.e. I forgive myself for not being perfect because I am human; I believe in, trust and have confidence in myself}. Rewrite these statements using a dry ease marker on your bathroom mirror. At my house I chose to get the statement printed on adhesive (contact your local print shop or online print shops such as Vistaprint in the ‘decal’ section) and stuck it on my glass shower door. Every time I take a shower I recite my mantras. Repeat as much as you like but at minimum once, each day. This repetition will eventually turn into habit and to consistently believe you can…. it’s inevitable that you will.
- Change your narrative
- I had this epiphany while driving at 2am in Buckhead. I was riding around gazing at the million dollar homes in my neighborhood (I’m not in one – yet). I realized that I never, absolutely never, finish anything I start. I was a “jack of all trades” and master of none. I figured whatever mindset I was in had to stop. This behavior was not going to give me my freedom to quit my full time job and the financial security I desire. I needed to do better and with no more excuses left I just needed to get my ass up and get it done. So I grabbed my calendar and logged in each day with new one or two task that needed to be completed. I focused different days for separate projects and businesses. I technically own two businesses and operate this here blog and had fallen short of them all not having structure in my work/life balance and being complacent at my full-time job. My point in this rant is to say…. you control your destiny. Anything you want to change can be if your willing to take the steps and be dedicated. Changing my narrative for me meant looking into myself for some serious self evaluation and adapting accordingly.
- Control your environment
- I know you’ve heard that saying, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. It’s perfectly okay to audit the people around you. Align yourself with the things and people that aim toward the way you see and want your life to be. Now I’m not a 100% believer in the “you are a product of your environment” because all these are solidified from choices that we chose to make. If I aspire to be a sommelier, a certified expert on wine, would I really surround myself around people whose palette doesn’t leave from “give me the house…” and “whatever is the cheapest”. The answer was a hard NO, if you were still inquisitive. Hopefully that helped in the career sense but now lets talk about personality too. Personality killed the cat too. I had a friend who explained this experience with me. It was how they lost a good friendship because of one statement the other party expressed about themselves. My dear friend said to her peer, “What do you want to do with your life”. In response, “I’m not shit and I’ll never be shit” the friend claims. Following that reply, she not only decided that was the last time she would associate herself with them but also couldn’t seem to fathom how she thought more highly of the person than they thought of themselves – and that was the problem. You cannot have goofy’s in your circle – you will not prosper. Clean up your crew and fuck shit up TOGETHER !
BODY
Everyday I go for a walk/run. I start with a 10 minute stretch or pre-workout to relax and prepare my muscles. I have a set path I take and I try to push myself a little further each day. Whether that means running more or increasing the distance of my workout. Saturdays are my more intense workout regimen. I’ll do my normal routine following a in-home workout video dedicated to a specific areas I want to focus on. Last Saturday, I took to Youtube and followed along a 20 minute Fat Burner video. Next week, I plan on strengthening my core. Now I’m in no way a physical trainer and I’m not recommending anything I’m just telling you what works for my lifestyle. My purpose for this is just to encourage you to start your own health/fitness journey that’s compatible to your reality. Following a frequent exercise I also dipped my hand into meal prep. Honey, I do all my own stunts ! I prepare most my meals for 4 days at a time. Breakfast I typically make fresh but I prep it as best as possible. For example, I make a few boiled eggs for easy to eat options. Pre-bag some fruit for smoothies and cut up a bunch of vegetables to jump start this bomb egg white omelette I craft. Adults need snack time too ! I actually prepare two a day in between breakfast and lunch and lunch and dinner. Those meals include a variety of salad options (i.e Cesar, fruit, spinach) and healthy wraps (i.e turkey, buffalo chicken, shrimp po’ boy). For lunch, I try strict with a strict meatless meal. Typically an assortment of flavored sides I made for the prepped dinners. FYI, I season the crap out of those vegetables. Sesame teriyaki mushrooms, balsamic glazed brussels sprouts, garlic parmesan asparagus, and brown sugar mashed sweet potatoes. YUM ! The flavors alone do not have me craving the missing protein. Time for the finale. Pineapple BBQ shrimp, penne rustica, a veggie burrito bowl are just brief descriptions of how I show out for my dinner meal. I dropped this cool graphic below I found on Pinterest to hold me accountable on my meal times (I wake up at 9am). READY, SET, GOALS !
SOUL
Although I decided to schedule out my entire month and making revisions as the days and weeks go. I made sure to dedicate my Sundays to myself. No formal obligations. A true “Self-Care Sunday”. I still write down a list of things I hope to get accomplished but ultimately I don’t tie myself down to anything. If it gets done, Ill give myself a pat on the back but if it doesn’t I’m not losing any sleep over it either. Self-Care Sunday is my favorite day ! The only consistent thing I do is watch my girl Sarah Jake Roberts live Sunday service or one of her amazing YouTube videos. She's so hip and trendy and does her sermons with such a modern flair you have no choice but to feel inspired. I believe you need one full day to cleanse and retrain your mind for your next work week. The remainder of my day I might deep condition my hair, or learn how to do something/take a class. I’m honestly low-key trying to build up the strength to wax my own legs and save a few bucks. I mean Idk, I’m kind of feeling like super-woman over here.
With no set plans I had to ensure I didn’t lose focus on the bigger picture here, my PURPOSE. Who I was, who I am, and what happened to me didn’t really match. I had some healing to do and a lot of time to think about it. Sometimes things don’t happen to you just because. It’s more about what you need to learn and gain from it. Fix yourself so they don’t ripple into your now. Work to resolve the pain in your past.
For every rebirth I felt personally and/or spiritually, I burned some sage and lemongrass to offset the negative energy. Now typically I’m not big on spiritual crystals, Chilombo (sike, i love Jhene Aiko), and tarot cards etc; but for this cleanse I was willing to open myself up spiritually to the idea. Even if this phenomenon was only in my head it’s exactly what I was yearning for during my 30 days. I found this pretty cool website that broke down some real organic herbs and it’s alleged properties, click here. Now the bigger reason for my interest in all this chakra control was due to negativity from a relative. I don’t care what anybody says family can be toxic too. I had a family member stay with me last month and after a week and a half in my space, she triggered me. What was done to me, hurt me very deeply. It made me relive some dark times in my young adulthood. After letting that spirit of “abandonment” back into my life I soon realized, it never actually left. I was sitting with this thing for way too long. I didn’t want this curse – excuse me for the dramatics – to hinder my emotions and thoughts any longer. I am enough. I choose me and I am thankful and embrace the things and people that chose me too. To the things and people that did not pick me, its okay. I know now that although it wasn’t meant for us in the cards, we were lessons. In the future i’ll leave whatever isn’t for me with my pride.
Channel your Phoenix – and Rise Baby ! Check out our latest post, Are you a Peacock or a Phoenix?
#MAYISELFCARE
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